Disarm with a Smile

Of the 102 counties in the State of Illinois, not one loves their guns more than Lake County. And by gun your LakeCountyEye means the semi-automatic military-style assault rifle.

So when nanny-state municipal government bureaucrats start talking about banning these guns, Lake County takes notice. According to the Chicago Tribune:

About 50 suburban firearms enthusiasts recently gathered in Buffalo Grove to strategize on how to oppose assault weapons bans currently under consideration in Highland Park, Deerfield, Buffalo Grove, Lake Forest, Waukegan and elsewhere.
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans

A firefly on the wall, there, tells your LakeCountyEye that attendees were advised to make their concerns directly known their municipal representatives. And one Illinois State Rifle Association leader reminded everyone to remain civil:

"Of course, always be polite"
Gun enthusiasts ready to fight assault weapons bans

Good advice for anyone mustering an army of gun rights advocates eager to launch a full-frontal assault against a big-brother government that wants to infringe everyone's government-protected freedoms. Never assume you can win a political battle solely by virtue of the fact that you possess the assault rifle -- even if said battle is over your right to possess said rifle.

When it comes to winning over hearts and minds, there are better ways than shooting from the hip. Your LakeCountyEye can recommend, instead, some focus-group-tested talking points that are 100% guaranteed to bring around even the most pointie-headed government functionary bent on confiscating your guns:

• Greet your pointie-headed government functionary with an ice-breaker that reassures nobody will get hurt ...

  No, that is not a gun in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you.

• Make your pitch in a calm, even, and emotionless manner ...

  Did you know guns do not kill people? People kill people.

• If your pointie-headed government functionary is not persuaded, assure him there are no hard feelings ...

  Go ahead, make my day.

And remember, always be polite!

Spinning in Reverse

You can stop now, we have a winner. As readers of this blog are competitively aware ...

The Ex-Cubs Factor

operatives were challenged to guess the new name the Chicago Cubs will take after the franchise moves to DuPage County, location TBD. The winning entry -- DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors -- comes from the Illinois Second District Appellate Court, courtesy a court messenger. The lucky winner will receive a pair of Chicago Cub DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctor tickets, for opening day at the club's brand-new stadium in DuPage County. TBD.

Sharp-eyed operatives may recall that Reverse Spin is also the name of the DuPage County political consultants that Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran had hired, for purposes TBD. As reported on this blog last January ...

A Reverse Spin of Fortune

Curran's campaign committee -- Friends of Mark Curran -- posted expenditures of $5000 made out to Reverse Spin.

But that was back in the day. Since then even more money flowed out of Curran's PAC and into Reverse Spin's bank account -- another $5000 to be exact:

SBE Expenditure List

Hawk-eyed operatives will recall that Curran at one time was telling the press that he planned to run for Illinois Attorney General in 2014. Currans's last $2500 payment to Reverse Spin is dated on February 11 of this year. Perhaps not uncoincidentally Curran then told the press on February 13 that he would not run for Attorney General, and as reported in this blog ...

Flippertigibbets

he would be seeking re-election as Lake County Sheriff instead.

Note to operatives: Your LakeCountyEye does political consulting as well. And if you know of anyone who wants to become Illinois Attorney General, or hold some other high office, your LakeCountyEye will be glad to take their money. And give them advice. And until it becomes obvious it's something that ain't gonna happen in a million years.

The Ex-Cubs Factor

The last time your LakeCountyEye attended a Chicago Cubs game was back in the day when horse-drawn trolleys had the right-of-way and a trip the ballpark was a good four or five hours. Of course nowadays you'd need a presidential motorcade to make it from Lake County to Wrigley Field in under five hours.

So it should be no surprise that your LakeCountyEye welcomes the news that the Cubs may be moving the franchise to the suburbs. More specifically, the Cubs could very well be playing someday soon in DuPage County, at least according to the Daily Herald:

DuPage County is working quickly to develop a plan to bring the Chicago Cubs to the Western suburbs after being approached by an unnamed intermediary of the Ricketts family, county board Chairman Dan Cronin said. Cronin said Wednesday the county will "have something to propose within 10 days."
DuPage County trying to land Chicago Cubs

Provided one pretends that Cook County does not exist, both Lake and DuPage Counties share a long, common border. Which means a commute to the Friendly Confines is promising to be no worse than a quick run up the Route 53 Extension for a new tattoo.

Chloroformed sources have told your LakeCountyEye that not only has the deal been sealed, but the Cubs are ready to pack up and move as soon as all parties can agree on a name to call the new ballclub. Rumor has it ten names are under consideration:

Ten New Team Names for the Chicago Cubs After They Move to Suburban DuPage County

Chicago Thugs DuPage Dupes Chicago Rickets Fermilab Isotopes DuPage Election Commissioners Bolingbrook Bowlers The Cronin Cronies DuPage Reverse-Spin Doctors Bensenville Sluggers Lake County Fielders

Look for your LakeCountyEye, failing to beat fun a the old ballpark.

Tow the Mark

Your LakeCountyEye is fuming. Halfway to the Route 53 Extension (for some dirt-cheap tollway oasis gas) it became apparent that there is no Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis. Because there is no Route 53 Extension. So here your LakeCountyEye sits waiting for the tow truck. And some gasoline. And fuming.

Luckily a nearby Exxon/Mobil, with an unsecured WiFi, has allowed your LakeCountyEye to pass the time surfin the Web for campaign contributions.  As in campaign contributions given to some notable Lake County politicians.

One notable politician is Lake County Sheriff, Mark Curran -- who, coincidentally and not long ago posted contributions his campaign received from some towing companies and ambulance services.  There are at least seven, by your LakeCountyEye's count ...

Friends of Mark Curran :: Individual Contributions :: Illinois State Board of Elections

Altogether, the seven companies gave more than $9,000 to Friends of Mark Curran.  If your LakeCountyEye didn't know any better it would've looked like they were engaged in some sort of bidding war.  But if anything is certain to your LakeCountyEye, it is that Curran must be experiencing all sorts of trouble driving to and from work.  Enough trouble that he has required the assistance of seven emergency road services -- who no doubt are all grateful for his business.

Now, even your LakeCountyEye's pre-owned vehicle doesn't break down that frequently.  Just sayin!

Anyhow, a Lake County courtesy patrol just stopped and the officer wants your LakeCountyEye to roll down the window.  Hopefully this helpful Sheriff's Deputy will know the contact info to an inexpensive emergency road service.

Lost in Space

In this age of Photoshop, Internet Mashups & CGI Graphics it's refreshing to see that there is at least one political cartoonist left in Lake County who plies his trade in pen & ink. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist:

Editorial Cartoons

When it comes to political satire, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist is at the top of his game, and he can teach the the noobs a thing or two -- and with, haha, one hand tied behind his back.

This week's lesson covers the do's and don'ts of how to properly set up a joke. Suppose you are assigned to caricature the legislative gridlock in Springfield. Don't make the mistake of one inexperienced (and unnamed) cartoonist:

You're Doing It Wrong Danger ... Warning ... Will Robinson! Don't laugh, you are enjoying another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

This cartoonist wants to poke some fun at the fellows on the left, but who are the two caricatures supposed to be? Beats the heck out of your LakeCountyEye.

It's important to embed those must-need subtle clues in a drawing that leave no doubt who the targets of your ridicule are.  Pay attention here, the Northwest Herald's DIY cartoonist shows how it is done:

Epic Win! Targets of Ridicule

With one or two smartly rendered hints your joke is now properly set up, and the rest is a piece of cake ...

Drop that boffo punchline, for a KO!

Q the Eye/06.06.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

If you're supposed to be psychic, then who sponsored that Lake County Election Board Bill?

Laws Are Like Link Sausages

Dear It Wasn't Your LakeCountyEye,

Being an all-seeing psychic these days ain't what it used to be. Who would've foreseen the News-Sun -- Lake County's newspaper of record -- declaring that the time has come for a bi-partisan Election Commission?

It was time for non-partisanship in elections

Not your LakeCountyEye.

As readers of this blog are eerily aware, your LakeCountyEye did predict, way back in November, that Lake County would be getting an independent election commission:

Reverse Nips

(A tip'o the green eyeshade goes to the spin-averse bloggers at CountyLeaks, for alerting your LakeCountyEye to this spookily accurate coincidence forecast. Who knew?)

Of course 20 gets you 20 for anything, in hindsight. Your LakeCountyEye does foresee that the aforementioned Election Commission is a done deal -- and the reason why is hidden in the Lake County briar patch.

Absolutely, the Lake County Republican establishment has been protesting mightily -- but they betrayed their hand by protesting too much. The spirits have informed your LakeCountyEye that the GOP secretly welcomes a new Election Commission because they have a problem: there is an election in November, 2014 and they they don't have a platform to run on. But a new election board in Lake County quite neatly solves their problem.

A Primary election will be held in March, 2014.  Just suppose the Primary happens to be botched by an inexperienced and partisan-mandated election board.  The Lake County Republican Party then would have the platform they need to drive their voters to the polls: an incompetent election commission that was imposed upon the county by partisan interests.

By your LakeCountyEye's reckoning there are at least 50 ways to botch any election. And for certain parties, it would be in their interest to use everything at their disposal to help that along -- although in all likelihood it's going to be botched even if they sit back and do nothing.

The next time someone pounds the table to protest a Lake County Election Commission -- think of Br'er Rabbit:

Please don't throw me in the briar patch!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

All Politics is Loco

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that Lake County's Republicans are howling mad. They are frothing at the mouth -- figuratively speaking -- over an on-line voter registration bill that will also create an independent election board in Lake County. As proof of their displeasure, the County's top Republican, Aaron Lawlor, told the Chicago Tribune ...

the county was unfairly singled out — even though it is not actually named in the bill. The amendment refers to "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties."
Lake County opposes state-mandated election board

It is noteworthy that not a single Democratic operative has approached your LakeCountyEye pleading for advice on how to circumvent this election bill before it becomes law.

Of course whenever faced with a vexing political problem, your LakeCountyEye usually advises ops to hire an inexpensive (but competent) political consultant. In this case the consultant is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Political Dirty Tricks at the College of Lake County.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was familiar with the bill and said, "You have three viable options. The bill is restricted to counties that border other states. In this case, that is Wisconsin. If Wisconsin were to secede to from the union, then Lake County would instead share a border with a foreign country. Don't laugh, there are legislators in Madison who are favorably disposed to the idea."

Your LakeCountyEye expressed strong skepticism that this would ever happen.

"I suppose not." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said with a frown. "That would mean that Wisconsin would also have to secede from the NFL. But, wait, the bill also specifies counties that border no more than 2 other counties.  You may recall that Palatine and Wheeling Townships were threatening, a few years ago, to secede from Cook County.  If I recall correctly, they wanted to establish something like an off-shore tax haven.  Anyhow, that would mean Lake County would abut up against 3 Illinois counties!"

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Todd Stroger was defeated in 2010.

"And that was the end of Freedonia County, or whatever they were going to call themselves." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "Well, in that case there is really only one feasible option.  The bill also singles out counties with more than 700,000 people.  According to the 2010 Census, Lake County has 703,462 people.  Get rid of just 3,463 people and you're back in the driver's seat."

Your LakeCountyEye was goggle-eyed.  "You mean something like offering generous tax incentives to get people to move out?"

"Don't be ridiculous." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.  "That costs money.  I mean start deporting people.  It shouldn't be difficult for any County Sheriff to locate that many people without proper documentation -- even a nanny-state liberal Sheriff like Lake County has.  This is doable."

This interview was over. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any advice for the ops.

He replied in a deadpan tone, "Tell all your operatives to make sure their H-1B and F-1 visas are up-to-date. I just renewed mine for another 12 months."

Kabuki Theater

Lake County Clerk Willard Helander's job may become a lot easier. As readers of this blog are dubiously aware ...

A No Confidence Vote

a bill passed this week in Springfield that allows voters to register online -- and, among other things, would create an independent election board in Lake County.  And as the commodiously unread blog Common Sense in Illinois' 10th has reported, the bill passed mostly along party lines:

How Our Lake County Senators Voted on HB2418
How our Illinois House Voted on HB 2418

Whereas every Republican legislator in Lake County voted to kill the bill, an overall majority of Democratic legislators did not. (Some nice scut work compiling those stats, Louis!)

One legislator even told the Daily Herald ...

"This is political," said state Rep. Ed Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican.
Lake County election change sent to Quinn

It goes without saying that politics is show business for ugly people -- and in Lake County that emphasis is on show business. Lake County politicians will swell up and be all righteously indignant over some perceived slight, but of course it's all for the benefit of the paying audience -- or as the case may be, the voters.

So, your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised to learn that a deal of sorts had been struck between Lake County's Democrats and the County Clerk's Office -- who for years are rumored to have maintained close ties.  According to the terms of the deal, the Lake County Clerk gets a much needed respite in day-to-day duties, and in return earns the opportunity to pursue other objectives.  These objectives presumably would include meeting with Republican and other grass-roots organizations to speak on a topic that Helander calls  ...

Why Illinois is a Blue State

Your LakeCountyEye has not heard Helander's outstanding presentation but has been told on the highest authority it is a must-see for anyone wishing to understand why Illinois is a "blue" state & why Lake County should be considered "blue", and what can be done to make them "red" again.

To book Helander for your township or grass-roots meeting, your LakeCountyEye recommends contacting those commodious bloggers at Common Sense in Illinois' 10th, who ...

would highly recommend that Republican organizations seek out Ms. Helander in the near future to listen to her presentation. This would include the Republican Illinois State Central Committee, Lake County Republican Central Committee and the Township Committees.
Grass Roots Republican Wake Up Call

Comments from the Public Hearing on the Millburn Bypass

On March 21, 2013 a public hearing on the Millburn Bypass was held at Millburn West (Millburn Middle School) in Lindenhurst. At the meeting public comments were requested. One LakeCountyEye reader told us that those public comments have been obtained through a Freedom on Information Act (FIOA) request:

... of the 69% that are against the proposed Western Bypass, 94% are in favor of the Eastern Bypass. What will it take to get IDOT (Illinois Department of Transportation) to start following it's own guidelines?
Public Hearing Comments

The complete results of the survey plus the public comment document are now available at the Eastern Bypass Group website:

Eastern Bypass Group

Move 45 East!

A No Confidence Vote

Lake County has not been this outraged since Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That was back in the day when Washington did not like the way that some States went about conducting their elections.  Entire swaths of the electorate had been disenfranchised, and the Federal Government deemed it necessary to send in the Feds to school their local election boards on the right way to hold an election.

Well, in Lake County it's back to the future as another voting rights bill, now working its way through Springfield, will create an independent election board here.  Lake County's Republicans are deservedly outraged -- just like their Southern Democrat counterparts were some 50 years ago.

County Clerk Willard Helander, who currently oversees elections in Lake County, told the Daily Herald ...

"It's a power grab to take over election authority in Lake County"
State moves to take election oversight from Lake County clerk

State Representative JoAnn Osmond, who currently oversees nothing even tangentially connected with elections in Lake County, nevertheless told the Daily Herald that the legislation was ...

"insulting"
Elections legislation spawns Lake County political battle

Even State Senator Dan Duffy, whose dependable margin of electoral victory is the McHenry County portion of his district, told the Daily Herald ...

"Lake County and the leaders are adamantly opposed to this"
Elections legislation spawns Lake County political battle

Preparations are already underway in anticipation of this new voting rights bill becoming Illinois law. According to anonymous misinformed sources, county officials are engaged in high-level negotiations with representatives from Wisconsin, as outraged voters brace themselves for Lake County's inevitable secession from the State of Illinois. One source, giddy with excitement, told your LakeCountyEye that when it comes to voter suppression "they take no prisoners up there in Wisconsin."

Please Do Not Pray for Rain

Haha, it is safe to come out of your storm shelters. As readers of this blog are erroneously aware ...

Gone With The Wind

this blog erroneously reported that the Lake County Emergency Management Agency website had been blown into Lake Michigan by a random monster tornado. Nothing can be further from the truth. While the website in question ...

Alert Lake County : Thunderstorm/Tornado

may still not be responding to anyone, your LakeCountyEye has been assured the cause is not weather related -- it was apparently taken down by Syrian Hackers.  That critical County emergency response website is expected to be up and running again within a month or two. In the meantime, your LakeCountyEye was told, operatives should pray that nothing bad happens.

An unrepentant skeptic, your LakeCountyEye decided to consult an expert for a second opinion. In this case the expert is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Intercessory Meteorology at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if it was true that the weather can be affected by prayer or good behavior. Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi chuckled,"Absolutely there is a connection between bad moral choices and weather events. It may be an idea that the blowhard bloggers are quick to mock, but people everywhere believe in it, and have done so for millennia.  The Bible is teeming with stories where God reciprocates bad behavior with bad weather. Sodom and Gomorrah, Noah's Flood, the Exodus from Egypt, to name a few. What we observe today are just these old stories retooled for the modern age."

Your LakeCountyEye was a tad confused: "If the recent surge in extreme weather is Divine retribution, who is doing the retributing?"

Casting a stage sigh like he was being forced to deal with some untutored boob, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said "Have you heard of Climate Change?  Although you may be calling it Global Warming."

Somewhat taken aback, your LakeCountyEye was all like: "Um, OK, the climate is changing because Global Warming is displeased with mankind. So, what are people doing to make Global Warming angry?"

Looking at your LakeCountyEye now as if he were looking at some poor soul off their rocker, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi said "What they are doing is denying Global Warming.  That is the one thing that can push even the most genial deity over the edge -- deny that they exist."

Like a lightning bolt in the night, suddenly everything was clear.  Your LakeCountyEye asked if  Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi had some parting wisdom for the operatives.

"If you have any trips planned to McHenry County, cancel them."

Gone With The Wind

There are few things Lake County looks forward to more than a 3-day weekend. And with this 3-day weekend past nigh, Lake County has three uninterrupted days to lose sleep over where & when the the next random monster tornado strikes.  Haha, at least that's what your LakeCountyEye has made plans for, this weekend.  So you don't have to.

You may not know it but Lake County has its own local version of FEMA: the Lake County Emergency Management Agency (EMA):

Lake County's Emergency Management Agency (EMA)

If you wonder why the agency's acronym is not LCEMA instead, you are not alone.  Your LakeCountyEye suspects a protracted and costly trademark battle may have transpired at some time in the past:

Lawrence County Emergency Management Agency

At any rate, LCEMA has a website with the up-to-the-minute emergency info and weather conditions that everyone needs -- Alert Lake County -- and, if you're anything like your LakeCountyEye, that's the website you check at least 5 -- 10 -- 15 -- 100 times every day:

Alert Lake County
Your Emergency Preparededness Resource

No emergency preparededness resource should come without instructions on how to respond to an emergency, and Alert Lake County does not disappoint. The website has a smörgåsbord of emergencies to choose from:

It is advisable to resist the immediate temptation to click on Bioterrorism or Dirty Bomb. While these nodoubt are emergencies of some vital importance, it is more often than not a good idea to prioritize your armageddons -- and first review, instead, your best emergency response to a tornado.

So your LakeCountyEye asks operatives to go immediately to LCEMA's Alert Lake County website, before it's too late, and click the Thunderstorm/Tornado hyperlink ...

... which will redirect you to this webpage:

Alert Lake County : Thunderstorm/Tornado

Whoops.

Hopefully random monster tornadoes travel west to east. And that this one is over Lake Michigan by now.

Withering Heights

An actual, unedited Daily Herald headline from an actual, unedited letter to the editor:

Traditional morality has weathered away

Haha, nothing a coat of whitewash can't fix.

Whether this is a bellwether that points to the withering of journalism in Lake County or just means that Herald letter writers get to draft their own headlines, is not known. Your LakeCountyEye observes that while spell checkers have all but banished the misspelt word from Internet journalism, they have created a new kind of faux pas -- the spellaprop -- a spellchecker induced malapropism.

With the unchecked proliferation of both online spell checkers and online journalism, your LakeCountyEye foresees many more future LOL spellapropisms coming down the pipe. For those operatives who cannot wait for the future, your LakeCountyEye made up ten hilarious headlines that sooner or later are guaranteed to appear in some Lake County newspaper or other:

Ten Comical but Authentic Headlines Recently Seen at the Lake County Newsstands

Arrests Up In Lake County For Driving Under The Affluence Villages Crack Down On Loiter Bugs One Mayor Vows to Personally Take Out the Trash County Chairman Tolled: Route 53 Extension Will Be Costly Legislator: "Scientists 'Cry Wolf' Too Often Over Global Warning" Is A Levy On Bullets Really Attacks On Gun Owners? Sheriff: "These Are Not The Type Of People You Want To Target" Senator Offers Tokin' Support To Medical Marijuana County Board Promises Flood Relief, Also To Rain In Excess House Member Denies Casino Bill Would Legalize Private Gambolling Parlors "We Have Red Lights For That In The Bill" County Health Official Admits Malingering Doubts Over Flu Vaccine Gay Couple Repeat Marriage Vows: "Excuse Me While I Kiss The Sky"

Look for your LakeCountyEye, driving under the effluence.

Double Entendres

The summers in Lake County are so hot you could light a medicinal marijuana cigarette right off the sidewalk. So when Lake County operatives crave ice cream -- and lots of it -- your LakeCountyEye directs them to Fremont Township. Because that's where all the double dippers are.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye loves that joke.  Fremont Township boasts no fewer than two double dipping elected officials:

• Diana O'Kelly
  Fremont Township Supervisor
  County Board Commissioner
• Ed Sullivan Jr
  Fremont Township Assessor
  State Representative

But as much as your LakeCountyEye loves that joke, this may be the last time you'll get to hear it. Your LakeCountyEye recently received a cease-and-desist letter from the Ice Cream Advisory Board. Who knew? -- but the term double dipping along with other terms like sherbert, sorbet, gelato, softserve, hardpack and brainfreeze are protected property of the ice cream industry. And the Ice Cream Advisory Board would be so very pleased if your LakeCountyEye could cease and desist from using the term double-dip without proper attribution.

Now your LakeCountyEye doesn't know who invented it, nor particularly cares for the term double-dip -- and would be happy to have a better substitute. The correct term of the art is dual mandate -- the practice in which elected officials serve in more than one elected or other public position simultaneously -- but that's a term only a policy wonk could love.

So, your LakeCountyEye has delved into the reference literature and found ten other sobriquets in common use that describe politicians elected to two positions. Here are ten of them:

Ten Better Names to Call Political Double Dippers

Double Dealers Second Stringers Double Crossers One-Two Punchers Double Talkers Two Timers Double Trouble Twin Pickens Double Whammies Send-in-the-Clones

Look for your LakeCountyEye double parked near you.

An All Poynton Bulletin

As even readers of this blog must know by now, Lake County held an election last month. What they might not know is that Lake Zurich has a new Village President: Tom Poynton.

Poynton won, your LakeCountyEye has been told, with the help of a catchy campaign slogan:

Get Lake Zurich "POYNTON" in the Right Direction
Elect TOM POYNTON Lake Zurich Village President (Mayor)

Poynton's campaign website posts his contact information, including his e-mail address:

tomp527@sbcglobal.net

So when an operative received an urgent message from Poynton's e-mail address, they were naturally concerned:

From: Tom Poynton [mailto:tomp527@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: 05/11/2013 9:12 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:; undisclosed recipients:
Subject: Horrible Ordeal............Thomas M. Poynton

Hello It has being a horrible experience for me here in Manila Philippines,during my vacation i was attacked by some thugs around the hotel vicinity were i lodged who beat me up and collected all my money,credit card including my cell phone and other important documents i took along.But to the glory of God i still have my passport and my life spared. i have been to the police and embassy but they are not helping issues i was ask to come back in the next 3days time,right now i am in a local library mailing you for financial assistant.      My flight leaves in 2hours from now and i am having a problem settling my hotel bills,please i need you to help me with (1,700.00 Dollars) to foot my bills and board a plane back to the state because right now i am stranded and you are my only hope to get out of this mess.When i get back to the state i will refund you every dime that you've spent if possible with interest...Write me back so i can tell you how to get the money to my present location. Tom Poynton

Now who can say they've never been attacked and beaten by thugs while vacationing in Manila -- and rendered so indisposed as to be incapable of communicating except in a pidgin English, delivered for comical effect? Certainly not your LakeCountyEye.

Note to ops: Before hitting the reply button, check the return e-mail address. It probably will not say ...

tomp527@sbcglobal.net

You're better advised to wire the 1,700.00 Dollars to Poynton's campaign PAC instead: Committee to Elect Tom Poynton LZ